I didn’t think I could take it anymore. It wasn’t the kids. It wasn’t the “honey, did you…” questions. It wasn’t the to do list nor the meetings that never seem to end. It was the unsolicited silence. The disturbing pause of life. And it was driving me crazy. “God, where are You? You see my frustration. You hear my questions and yet, You say nothing. Where are You?”
We have a family member who has been on dialysis for almost a decade. At some point, receiving a kidney had to seem hopeless. Doctor after doctor affirmed that she was a good candidate for a transplant; yet, day after day, month after month, year after year, it seemed God was attending to the needs of everyone else. Unsolicited silence. Doctor’s visits would affirm the debilitation of the kidney’s function. Every night, hooking up to a machine, had to seem like she was putting her kidneys on life support. Being immobilized because the cost of shipping equipment and specialized fluids to her dream destination was just that…a dream. Knowing the daily regimen of dialysis was not a cure but only a temporary fix. And it was all beyond her control.
What do you do when the circumstances of life are beyond your control? How do you respond when while praying, you realize you are the only one talking?
I appreciate the Bible because it reminds me that my family and I are not the only ones challenged by the pauses of life. We are not the only ones who struggle through the silence. Abraham felt the pause as he waited for the promised son. David, who was anointed king, endured the pause in the pasture. Simeon’s passing was paused until the arrival of the newborn King. Mary and Martha insisted the pause was the reason their brother died.
For nine years, our family member pressed through the pause, wondering many nights if God would answer her cry. But on Sunday, July 19, 2015, the unsolicited silence was interrupted by the ring of the phone. The call she waited nine years to receive. A kidney was being flown in on angel’s wings and almost immediately, the deafening silence of the pause was no more. The nights when the conversation seemed to be one sided had ceased.
As I sat at the hospital last week with our loved one, God reminded me that even when the silence seems unbearable, His word is still true. His promises are still yes and amen. His plan is still to prosper us, not harm us, to give us a hope and a future. Even in the pause, He is still our Healer, Redeemer, Sustainer, Deliverer, Strength, and so much more.
Everyone experiences pauses in their life, but don’t allow the pause to consume you. Remain focused on God’s Word and allow it to be the voice in the midst of the silence. The peace in the midst of the pause. Learn to persevere through the pause knowing that God has not abandoned you. He has not forgotten His promise to you. That even in the silence, He is working all things together for your good and for His glory.